What if? What if I hadn’t left, hadn’t decided I couldn’t live my life with unnecessary guilt? If I’d chosen between myself and him, but instead chosen him and stayed, regardless of the suffering? Would it have been worth it, been different? What would my life have been like if it would still have been with him?
When I think back on the time we had together I know it was nowhere near all bad. There was something almost beautiful, at least for a time, and I remember how unexpected it was for it to start. It ended just as abruptly when love turned sour and I had to leave to get far enough away to save myself. I had been so preoccupied with trying to save him that I’d forgotten about myself.
Maybe that’s where I went wrong. Love is nothing without adding the second person into the equation, and I wonder if I went wrong by removing him from it. I wonder ‘what if?’ about that a lot. I keep wondering what would have changed and happened if I’d stayed, if we could have come back from this and been stronger for it.
There isn’t another question that I ask myself because the answer to that one holds too many other questions.
Muse: Stacy Warner
Fandom: House M.D.
Word Count: 213